Six Easy Steps to Avert the Collapse of Civilization

Words and phrases are scribbled on scratch pieces of paper all over my house and on the backs of notebooks stuffed in drawers. There's even napkins in my van with some aphorism worth remembering--at another time.

Here's some I rediscovered this morning while performing an archaeological dig on my desk.

"Six Easy Steps to Avert the Collapse of Civilization!" Screamed the headline from the e-newsletter. Now I'm not altogether convinced that civilization is actually going to collapse, but I thought I'd take a peek so that I could make my contribution to society. I only had to wade through ten pages of text to find them. And I didn't take the time. Damn. Now civilization will collapse all because of my inability to decipher six. easy. steps. When the end comes, look me up; I'll take the blame.

I guess I just go fry me up some Kitchen Kleen Potatoes that are
"Certified Environmentally Grown," according to the bag. While I'm not sure exactly what that means, I'm sure I'm supposed to think that being "environmentally grown" makes these potatoes much better than those I can dig out of my own garden. Aren't all things grown in the environment? and who certifies the environment? God? Monsanto? Never mind. I shouldn't be thinking for myself, I know.

Maybe I'll just go to the movies for some mindless distraction. There's a new 3D movie in town. I'll take my kids to the matinee so it'll be cheaper: only $7.50 each plus an additional $2.50 each to cover the cost of 3D technology. When we get inside, I splurge on the "couples special" which will give me 2 medium drinks and a medium popcorn for only $16.50. We can share. I'm sure that I'll be so inspired by the movie I'll want to come back often, so I think I'll beat those high prices and "invest" in a refillable popcorn tub for only $15.00. That way, when I come back (with my tub) I'll only have to pay $2.00 for each refill. Total cost for two hours of mindless distraction: around $60. What a bargain.

I think I may have discovered the reason our civilization is going to collapse:
1) We make things more complicated than we need to
2) We have abdicated our right to individual thought and individual action and given it to a corporation
3) We spend more than we have for things we don't really need and think it's a bargain

I could come up with my own six easy steps to avoid the collapse of civilization, but I'd be interested to hear what others think. Readers? Any suggestions?